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Écrivez
à AILES ! |

Retour
vers les blagues |
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exorcisez vos démons... heu vos virus !
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Qui a dit que le 21ème siècle sera
spirituel ou ne sera pas ? En tout cas, même
votre ordinateur, objet peu spirituel s'il en
est, peut être possédé par des démons ?
Dans ce cas, l'anti-virus s'appelle un prêtre.
Et la blague appelle à une petite leçon
d'anglais...
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Is Your Computer Possesed by a Demon?
« Your computer may be possessed by a demon », a
leading minister warns.
" While the Computer Age has ushered in many
advances, it has also opened yet another door through
which Lucifer and his minions can enter and corrupt men's
souls," said the Reverend Jim Peasboro, author of an
upcoming book, The Devil in the Machine.
Demons are able to possess anything with a brain, from a
chicken to a human being. And today's thinking machines
have enough space on their hard drives to accommodate
Satan or his pals.
"Any PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to
house an evil spirit," the minister confirmed.
The Savannah clergyman says he became aware of the
problem from counseling churchgoers.
"I learned that many members of my congregation
became in touch with a dark force whenever they used
their computers," he said.
"Decent, happily married family men were drawn
irresistibly to pornographic websites and forced to
witness unspeakable abominations.
"Housewives who had never expressed an impure
thought were entering Internet chat rooms and found
themselves spewing foul, debasing language they would
never use normally.
"One woman wept as she confessed to me, 'I feel when
I'm on the computer as if someone else or something else
just takes over.' "
The minister said he probed one such case, actually
logging onto the parishioner's computer himself.
To his surprise, an artificial-intelligence program fired
up -- without him clicking it on.
"The program began talking directly to me, openly
mocked me," he recalls. "It typed out,
'Preacher, you are a weakling and your God is a damn
liar.' "
Then the device went haywire and started printing out
what looked like gobbledygook.
"I later had an expert in dead languages examine the
text," the minister said. "It turned out to be
a stream of obscenities written in a 2,800-year-old
Mesopotamian dialect!"
Since, then, Rev. Peasboro has researched the problem
further and uncovered alarming facts.
"I learned most of the youths involved in school
shootings like the tragedy at Columbine were computer
buffs," he said. "I have no doubt that computer
demons exerted an influence on them."
The minister estimates that one in 10 computers in
America now houses some type of evil spirit.
Rev. Peasboro advises that if you suspect your computer
is possessed, you consult a clergyman or, if the computer
is still under warranty, take it in for servicing. He
says, "Technicians can replace the hard drive and
reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit
permanently".
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